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How to be picked up by an unsuspecting whore, during a dash-about island stop on a transatlantic passage.

A limerick to set the scene:

On my first trip to Bermuda
I met a whore and I screwed her
But she expired
While she was hired
So I withdrew and then sued her.

The madmongoose beach shack. Four stilts sunk into pink sand, supporting a dance floor, a bar, and a multitude of speakers. The rickety ensemble was just about holding itself together despite the vibrations from Bob Marley records. Strict, strict dress code of shorts and tee-shirts or be thrown out to the barracuda

We got in without problem and sat with our soiled Bermudas on Bermudan soil. I`d only brought one pair for the voyage a serious omission which would turn into a serious admission.

The crew was in high spirits, relaxing with their spliffs and admiring the perfect view. Black as midnight with a smile like Orion's belt. Part dancer, part flirt, part dealer, part healer, part nurse, part dressed, part joker, with a serious backside, and all woman. Oh... and soon to be ripped off pimp. She was gyrating to “Stir it Up” in order to mix the cocktails.

The Pina-coloada drip that we had been on all evening was the only thing keeping us


standing until we saw the whore. We all saw her at once.

Our ship had come in.

Genuine Bermudan rasta. 6Ft of ebony she was wearing a 2mm, PVC (placed very carefully) G-string. Her sleek long dark hair left what was on top to the imagination, we didn’t bother.

Then she saw us, and she ran to greet us, we were upon her before she crossed the dance floor, carried away by a tide of sailors.

"HEY!!", shouted the barmaid, "That's thirty-five dollars for the beer and same again for my girl"

We paid up and rowed our bounty back to the ship. For the next 3 hrs she was taken in a number of different positions all over the ship, both geographically and more locally. I managed the 69 position in the crows nest thereby joining the 80 ft high club in some style.

The crew met for Barcardi and cocoa in the mess before bed, everyone agreed it had been an enchanting evening.

It turned out that dee damsel in dee dress had not kept up her performance through the night. We returned her to the madmongoose and asked for our money back. fin

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