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Fruit Fondling

A mass outbreak of vandalism all over the country has been attributed to a guerilla organisation of old people.

The group, calling itself the Pensioners Liberation Organisation has become actively anti-government since Britain's subscription to a new EC law was introduced. The organisation is thought to comprise of underground terrorist cells operating secretly from old people's homes, and may well have infiltrated the meals on wheels service.

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The conflict began last Tuesday when the Minister for Europe, Geofferey Poo, announced that Britain would ban the sport of fruit fondling to be in line with European Law, ignoring warnings from senior colleagues. The following morning, hundreds of Conservative


party buildings were found defaced with various pro-fruit slogans by elderly grafitti artists.

The pastime has become increasingly popular with senior citzens in this country since first being introduced in 1920 from Belgium, where it is the national sport. The basic game involves two teams of old ladies, and is a competition to see who can sqeeze all the tomatoes in Sainsbury's. Variations include Plum Squishing and Peering Under Every Leaf of the Cabbage. Extra points are awarded for coughing On the lettuces, shuffling and mumbling.

A spokesman from Regge's Auto Parts said "Look at that, Alloy wheels, under ten thou on the clock, gorgeous leather interior and sunroof. A bargain." fin

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