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Paula Yates yesterday announced that she was once again about to give birth, and did. Although the event was heralded by the music press as just another publicity stunt, the birth went ahead as planned in the public viewing gallery of the National Aviation Centre's demonstration wind tunnel. The birth has been applauded by some as the vital element needed to save the career of boyfriend Michael Hutchence and his band INXS, after their new album "Sounds a bit like Kick" bombed in the music charts, partly due to public confusion between the latest album which sounded like "Kick", the previous album which sounded like "Kick", the album before that which sounded like "Kick" and the album before that, "Kick".

Speaking at the couple's joint press conference earlier today, Michael

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Hutchence said that he had initially favoured naming the baby "something classical like Ryvita or Ikea", but on hasty consultation with lawyers settled for Paula's choice of Ffyona Fiffi Anabell Daisychain Cornflake Flibberty-Gibberty LobsterCatcher BucketHead.

To further controversy, the golden-maned socialite has confirmed rumors that the baby is a lovechild, created out of a monster group sex session at friend Liam Gallagher's house. The baby has Paula's eyes, Liam's nose, Patsy Kensit's legs, David Bowie's arms, the chest of Posh Spice and the ears of a stray cat which happened to be passing. Experts are puzzled as to how Marianne Faithful has still not confessed to it in the third remake of her memoirs. fin


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