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Millennium Dome Shocker


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After an exclusive interview with Dome Secretary, Peter Mandelson, Catfood journalists can now reveal for the first time the new Government's amazing plans for celebrating the Millennium.

The controversial Greenwich Dome is nothing less than the hangers for New Labour's most ambitious project yet - The Millennium Falcon. They plan to manufacture a fully functional replica of Han Solo's famous spacecraft, in order to put a man on Tatoonine by 2000. It is understood that that man will be John Prescott.

Insiders at No. 10 say that Tony Blair got the idea after watching the 20th anniversary edition of Star Wars and is now fully committed to the scheme. The plan is for the entire Cabinet to blast off on the stroke of midnight December 31st 1999, complete a whistle stop campaigning tour of the Western Spiral Arm, and come home in time to finish singing Auld Lang Syne.

Top aerospace expert Mandelson confirmed that by employing faster than light travel this was perfectly possible, but denied allegations of courting the extra-terrestrial vote. He than referred Catfood's interviewer to New Labour's previously unpublished Manifesto pledge to "make the Kessel run in under three parsecs".

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New Labour's Mr Fixit was also optimistic about overcoming the formidable scientific and engineering problems remaining in the construction of the world's first interstellar vehicle in less than three years. "It's perfectly simple really," he said. "Partial blueprints have been in the public domain for years, in The Complete Star Wars Technical Sourcebook, and we can piece the rest together through careful viewing of the films."

Never the less, NASA experts believe that the cost of the project could top a staggering 1200 billion pounds. However, Sagittarian Mr Mandelson brushed the funding problem aside. "We've raised Stamp Duty, and there's some flexibility left in the Council Tax bands, so we should be able to find the necessary revenue," he maintained. "In fact our only problem has been in recruiting the right technical staff," he said, before appealing to any Wookies living in the South London area to come forward.

After confirming that Harrison Ford had been hired to pilot the spaceship, 32 year old Mr Mandelson closed the interview by assuring the public that the Eurofighter Consortium, who are co-ordinating the construction on the Greenwich site, will deliver on time and within budget. If not, he stated "There's always the Cutty Sark and the flood barrier".

Next week: French to tunnel through centre of the Earth. fin


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